Cruella

In 1970s London, young fashion designer Estella de Vil becomes obsessed with dogs' skins, especially Dalmatians, until she eventually becomes a ruthless and terrifying legend known as Cruella.

Transcript
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

(WOMAN GROANING)

(BABY CRYING)

CRUELLA: Oh, no. We’re starting here? Okay.

From the very beginning I’ve always made a statement.

Not everyone appreciated that.

That’s unfortunate.

CRUELLA: But I wasn’t for everyone.

Speaking of statements, here’s one.

That necklace is the reason I’m dead.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

From an early age, I realized I saw the world differently than everyone else.

Look!

Well, that’s not the pattern.

You have to follow the pattern.

There’s a way of doing things.

That’s ugly.

CRUELLA: Including my mother.

That’s cruel.

Your name’s Estella, not Cruella.

(GASPS)

CRUELLA: It wasn’t her I was challenging, it was the world.

But of course my mother knew that.

That’s what worried her.

Remember, you belong here as much as anyone.

They’re lucky to have you.

Agreed.

Hey. What do you say to Cruella when she tries to get the better of you?

Thank you for coming, but you may go now.

Good. Now say goodbye to her.

Goodbye, Cruella.

And wear the hat.

I don’t need the hat.

Well, be polite. And good.

And friendly.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

CRUELLA: How does the saying go?

“I am woman. Hear me roar.”

Well, that wasn’t much of a thing back in 1964, but it was about to be.

Hi, my name’s Estella.

Look. A skunk’s got loose in the building.

BOY: Nice jacket.

Hi, I’m Anita.

Estella.

Ignore them.

Just did. But it might not last.

(BOYS LAUGHING)

CRUELLA: “Ignore them”?

Didn’t I just say, “Hear me roar”?

STUDENTS: (CHANTING) Fight! Fight! Fight!

CRUELLA: That didn’t sit well with some people.

This is a blot on your copybook.

CRUELLA: Okay, that didn’t sit well with a lot of people.

(STUDENTS LAUGHING)

Enough.

She deserved it!

CRUELLA: But I found friends in unlikely places.

ESTELLA: Hello.

Like this guy.

There’s a dog?

Buddy. I found him.

CRUELLA: And not this guy.

Her. Anita Darling. What a fabulous name.

(STUDENTS LAUGHING)

(GASPS)

(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)

You could say I pretty much roared my way through all of primary school.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

Almost.

Well, I think it’s clear what happens now.

Estella, you are expelled…

I’m withdrawing her from your school.

I’m expelling her.

It’s too late because I withdrew her first, so that can’t be on her record.

I’d said expelled. I’d already said it.

Hadn’t.

Didn’t.

And might I say, your school seems to turn out horrible children with no creativity or compassion.

Or genius.

You’re out. (SCOFFING)

(LOUDLY) Out!

CRUELLA: Being a genius is one thing.

Raising a genius, however, does come with its challenges.

London, here we come!

Well, we don’t really have a choice.

You have no school. It’s nothing to celebrate.

(SIGHS) Well…

Can’t be a fashion designer in a small town anyway.

Can we go here?

Regent’s Park? Perfect.

When we get to the city, first thing we’ll do, we’ll go to the fountain, and we’ll have a cup of tea and we’ll start planning how to make this London thing work.

Why are you in your best dress?

I need to make a stop on our way to the city.

Just ask a friend for a little help to get us on our feet.

What friend?

Well, a friend because of the situation that we’re in.

I’ll be less trouble from now on, Mum.

I promise.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

CRUELLA: I meant it when I said it.

When a girl like me makes a promise like that, you don’t take her to a place like this.

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

What is this place?

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING FAINTLY)

Wear it. It looks good.

Looks better without, I think. Be yours one day.

It’s a family heirloom.

Will you mind it for me?

Really?

Come on, Buddy.

Uh, Estella.

Serious voice.

Stay in the car. I won’t be long.

Mum!

I need you to lie low.

Lie low while wearing a hat?

Exactly. Love you.

Love you more.

(SIGHS)

(BUDDY GROWLS SOFTLY)

Don’t worry, she’ll be back soon.

CRUELLA: I did try to lay low.

(GASPS)

Is that fur and chiffon? In the one gown?

But as you can see, I broke the promise.

Just a little.

WOMAN: I am. I’m sure it’ll be quite extravagant.

It usually is, isn’t it?

JOHN: Go to the east garden. I’ll see what I can do.

CRUELLA: I figured while Mum was busy seeing her mysterious friend, I’d just take a little peek.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

The problem was, that little peek pretty much blew my mind.

I had no idea where I was or what it was.

I just knew that for the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged.

Buddy, unfortunately, did not.

Buddy! No!

Got ya.

Keep the hat on, before anyone sees that.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

CRUELLA: I could’ve blamed Buddy for what happened next.

(BARKS)

I just need a little help, just to get us on our feet.

CRUELLA: But the truth is, I did escalate things.

(DOGS BARKING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(CROWD GASPS)

Oh, my goodness!

(WOMAN EXCLAIMS)

(ALL GASP)

(DOGS GROWL)

(DOGS BARKING)

(ALL CLAMORING)

SERVER: Oh, crumbs!

And I will keep my mouth shut, and I will never come back here.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Mum!

CATHERINE: She’s my life.

(WHIMPERS)

(DOGS BARKING)

(SIGHS)

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

(BARKING)

(SCREAMING)

(GASPS)

No!

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

CRUELLA: There are no words.

BARONESS: There’s been the most dreadful accident.

CRUELLA: It was my fault.

BARONESS: Police Commissioner Weston!

A woman… (SOBS)

She was threatening me, demanding money. I…

CRUELLA: I had killed my mother.

I think they were chasing someone.

Search the grounds!

CRUELLA: And in that moment…

COMMISSIONER: Search the grounds!

CRUELLA: …the best I could think to do was run.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNIFFING)

(SIREN BLARING)

And I ran for a long time.

(BUDDY WHIMPERING)

I made it to London after all.

Regent’s Park.

But no tea.

(VOICE BREAKING) It’s all my fault, Buddy.

No Mum.

I never should’ve gone in.

I was an orphan.

(SOBS)

My necklace.

(CRYING)

Sad story.

Genius girl turns into stupid girl who gets her mother killed and ends up alone.

But a new day brings new opportunities or at least a couple of petty thieves. Horace…

BOY: Sir, please could you spare some change?

No, sorry.

CRUELLA: …and Jasper.

Morning.

(BUDDY SNARLING)

(GASPS) Stay back!

Horace was generally annoying.

Ow!

Go back to your family, little girl!

Jasper was the insightful one.

She has no family.

CRUELLA: Which was also annoying.

And Wink was just plain friendly.

Again, annoying.

Buddy!

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Oi!

Come on, Horace.

But they were a better option than being in jail.

Stop!

Police!

(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

Oi, you little scallywags!

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

(BUDDY BARKS)

(WHISTLE CONTINUES BLOWING)

(FUNK MUSIC CONTINUES)

(GRUNTS)

That was close.

I think we lost her.

(GRUNTS)

Ya think?

(PANTING)

Where are we?

So, what’s your story?

Where are your parents?

(SNIFFLES)

My mum’s dead.

CRUELLA: I skipped over the part where I killed her.

I think you should stay here, be a part of our gang.

(WHISPERS) She should what? What, what, what?

This has not been discussed.

It’s being discussed now. And we could use a girl to look innocent and be a distraction.

I wanted to be a fashion designer, not a thief.

You don’t got that many options. Just us.

CRUELLA: He was right. I was a fugitive.

(ESTELLA SOBBING)

Is she crying again?

Her mum died. You remember what that’s like.

And there was one thing I knew they’d be looking for.

Cripes!

I need to dye my hair.

I don’t know, I quite like it.

(GASPS SOFTLY)

CRUELLA: Granted, being a thief is not exactly a mother’s dream, but she was gone.

Don’t worry, we’re just getting started.

There’s lots more bad things coming…

I promise.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SPITS)

Let’s go, Buddy.

We’re on!

Before I knew it, ten years had passed.

You could even say we had made a home for ourselves.

Horace! Heads-up!

Two minutes! It’s stoppage time.

CRUELLA: We were like a family.

Horace, let’s go!

A family that’s good at…

Get dressed!

…stealing stuff.

I’m frightfully sorry.

Do you know if Piccadilly is the next…

CRUELLA: Really, really, really good.

(BELL DINGS)

Oh, this is me.

We expanded our business.

I designed fabulous disguises.

We’d steal.

There you go, madam.

I’d design.

We’d steal.

Not your dog! We are not coming back here!

Design.

It was a beautiful operation.

(SHOWER RUNNING)

(MAN VOCALIZING)

I got to do what I love, and we were reaping the rewards.

But as good as things were, I felt I was meant for more in this life.

That my mum would’ve wanted more for me.

I just didn’t know what.

(LAUGHING)

Hey! Psst!

(WHISPERING) What are you doing?

(SHOWER CONTINUES RUNNING)

(MAN VOCALIZING)

Just bored.

Bored? Are you kidding?

I found a tiny TV.

Japanese fellow asleep on the bed.

Uh, excuse me, who are you three?

Run.

Good Lord!

MAN: Oi! Thieves!

(LAUGHS)

JASPER: Two, three!

JASPER AND HORACE: (SINGING) Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday, dear Estell-la-la-la-la!

Happy birthday to you!

And me and Jasper

And Wink and Buddy

This is the nicest birthday in…

In a while.

Not for Judy.

Who’s Judy?

It doesn’t matter.

It is no big deal. She just…

Oh, Judy.

…might be hungry.

(BLOWS)

Make a wish.

Thanks, guys. Thanks, Judy.

(ESTELLA CHUCKLES)

What’s this?

This is an offer of employment from Liberty of London.

Entry-level position.

Oh, I hope it’s a burger place, right?

No, it’s the most fashionable department store in the city.

How did you do this?

Pulled a couple of strings.

(POP MUSIC PLAYS)

I love Liberty!

Yeah, I know you do. I see you look at it every time we pass.

Now, I might have padded out your CV a bit.

As in, completely. Invented it.

We’ve all done it.

Yeah, we’ve all done it. Everyone does it.

Invented a few references.

If they ask you how you know Prince Charles, you just say it’s a polo thing.

Right.

Happy birthday.

HORACE: “Polo thing.”

So, what is the angle?

There is no angle, other than Estella living her dream.

(CHUCKLING) Right. Okay.

Yeah.

What is it really? What’s the angle?

No, there is… All right, I’ll tell you what, the angle is that Estella is way too talented to be doing grifts with the likes of me and you.

Thanks, Jasper.

It’s all right.

Mum, I got my chance. The one I always wanted.

Trust me, I’m going to keep my head down and make it.

Cheers.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

CRUELLA: (SIGHS) Liberty of London.

It was the pinnacle of fashion in the ’70s.

They carried all the best designers.

And now I worked there.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Now, you mentioned the scarf as well.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

WOMAN: On Tuesday?

I have it right in front of me here.

I told him to be very specific about what I wrote.

Ah, excuse me, sir.

I had a thought about the front window…

I gave you your job description.

Don’t go outside the boundaries of your engagement. Please.

(INHALES SHARPLY)

Not now.

Ah! Sir…

Not now.

No, no, no.

(BOXES CLATTERING)

(SIGHS)

(COUGHS)

Not now.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Ah! (CHUCKLES)

Sir, I just wanted to say, I really am a dab hand with a needle if Alterations could use anything.

Why are you talking and not cleaning?

Did you do all the bathrooms according to the regulations I gave you?

Soap, water, mop, bleach, polish?

I did.

In that order?

Yes.

But Alterations, you wouldn’t… regret it.

Hey.

Hey!

Hi.

You forgot your lunch.

(BARKS)

Thank you.

(BARKS)

No.

What?

I’m not letting you in that window, so you can try and crack the safe.

That’s not the angle?

No. There is no angle.

There’s no angle.

What do you mean, there’s no angle? Come on, Wink!

(BARKS)

There’s no angle.

JASPER: Horace.

Thanks for lunch. Bye, Wink.

(GRUNTING)

Really?

Perfect.

I feel sad that you think that looks good.

What?

(LOUDLY) I feel sad you think that looks good.

Afternoon.

Lovely hat.

Whatever covers your neck more.

You have… a circular slice of banana on your cheek.

Other side.

(GAGS)

My office. Now! Now, now.

Okay.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Before you fire me, I have something to say.

(GERALD CLEARS THROAT)

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Clean my office, top to bottom.

And, uh, when you come in tomorrow, try and remember to bring a brain.

That seems uncalled for.

I believe that lurking underneath that starchy, half-size-too-small, bum-clencher of a suit lies a kind man who wants to give a brilliant kid another shot.

(INHALES SHARPLY, CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES) Clean, now!

(SIGHS)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING INDISTINCTLY)

I just can’t leave you looking like that.

It would be cruel.

(SNORING)

(KNOCKING)

(EXCLAIMING)

Why’d you go to sleep in a window?

Who’s… What…

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

(GRUNTS)

Oh…

Oh, but seriously, how much better do you look?

(HUMMING) No! No!

Hello.

Out! Out!

Oh, farts. (GRUNTS)

Come with me. Leave the bag.

Thousand apologies.

(HORACE GROANING)

Horace, no!

I’m calling the police, vandal.

She’s coming! The Baroness. She’s out front.

What?

The Baroness!

She’s coming!

No!

(PANTING)

Hello. Is there a, uh, back way out, or…

(PANTING) The Baroness.

The fashion designer! I want to see her.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Find the girl.

(GASPS) That’s her.

Estella, they’re distracted.

(SHUSHING)

Let’s go!

Baroness.

Outside. That window display.

I’m so sorry. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

I can explain that.

You’re right, time to go.

GERALD: Sorry, Baroness…

Get her.

She’s the vandal who messed up the whole new window display.

Hello.

We’re dealing with it.

All right, easy, easy, easy!

So she works here?

Oh, no, no. She was fired. Yeah.

We try to give these wretches a chance, but, um, breeding. (SNORTS)

Need I say more? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

So she doesn’t work here?

(CLICKS TONGUE) Sorry. I’m not convinced I know…

You’re sweating, and I can smell you.

Brilliant. Thank you.

You. Grubby girl.

Yes?

Jeffrey, card.

Card?

You’re hired. This address. 5:00 a.m. Don’t be late.

Teeth. Teeth.

(GAGS)

BARONESS: You’re a fool.

That girl put together a better window display than I’ve seen here for 10 years.

Hear, hear!

You were right, this is a very good shop.

(GRUNTING)

God, it’s all so depressing.

(PANTING)

She liked my window, Jasper. She liked my window!

I’m happy for you.

It’s all thanks to you.

No.

So… (SIGHS)

this was the angle, then?

(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)

CRUELLA: It’s funny how those happy accidents can change the whole direction of your life.

Although, looking back, “happy” may be the wrong word.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Ah, you.

Quickly, come on!

Right, okay.

Come along. Up here.

(R&B MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Silence!

My last show was a triumph.

Shall I read to you from Tattletale?

“Baroness designs stunned with her reinvention of the A-line with a bias cut and higher line that…

(COUGHS)

“…reshapes the silhouette in such an audacious way the audience broke into rapturous applause at first sight. She really is a genius.”

I’ll read that bit again, shall I?

“She really is a genius.”

A triumph.

Take a moment to revel in it.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Oh, that’s enough. New show. We must be perfect. Now go.

Window girl.

Grab a mannequin, some fabric, and throw something together.

The Baroness needs looks.

Looks. Right.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

It’s foolish.

Unhinged.

Well, you’re fired.

Pasty, pasty, pasty.

Hmm.

(GASPS)

Why are you speaking?

I think you nicked me.

Just…

Fabrics! Can you get me a red like that?

(CHUCKLES)

(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

(SHOPKEEPERS BELL TINKLES)

Oh.

Welcome to Second Time Around, I’m Artie or Art, as in “work of.”

Wow! You look incredible.

(SIGHS) I hear that all day, so I guess it’s true.

How does that look go on the streets?

Mmm, some abuse and insults, of course.

But I like to say that normal is the cruelest insult of them all and at least I never get that.

(SIGHS) I couldn’t agree more.

Look around, Cinderella.

I have everything a girl or boy could ever want.

If you can dream it, I can dress it.

Dior, 1955, amazing.

Chanel, 1950. Spring collection.

Ah, you know your gowns.

You and I are going to be very good friends, Artie.

Baroness, ’65, in the window. Winter collection.

I noticed that.

Grubby girl, get me lunch.

Soy salmon, lemon-zest risotto, cucumber sliced into two-inch diagonals at an eighth of an inch width sprinkled with seven leaves of parsley, shredded, not torn.

Right.

As the department stores that stock your range, we thought perhaps we could give you some input.

Feedback.

Oh, great. I’ll start, shall I?

My feedback.

You’re short, you’re fat, you smell like an anchovy, you’re color-blind, but you pretend you aren’t.

You’re a man who can’t take responsibility.

Your revenues are down 15%, your foot traffic by 12 and a half.

Yes, I do my own research.

Your store hasn’t been refurbished since the Blitz.

People don’t know whether to buy a frock or duck and cover.

And most of the funds meant for refurbs are being embezzled by you, stashing them in Swiss bank account number 32254766 to be precise.

That’s me. Your turn.

I’m all ears.

Good day.

(DOOR OPENS)

Imbeciles.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Lunch, now.

Oh. Finally, someone competent.

Whoa!

And someone not. This is my lawyer, Roger.

Although he spends most of his time playing piano in a dingy little bar, actually, he’s a good lawyer.

Hi.

Hi.

Piano’s nice.

Yes.

Time for my nine-minute power nap.

Box up my lunch, Estella.

(GRUNTS)

It could do with a lining.

You could use tulle to puff it out, give it some body.

That’s what I just said.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Baroness.

Keep up, Estella.

Jewels.

And, Estella, make the bodice pencil thin.

Estella, did you make it pencil thin?

All right, how do I look?

Fabulous.

Well, I know that.

Show me.

Mmm.

How would you have done it?

Hmm.

I think you’re… something.

Come along.

I made this.

The Baroness said she thinks I’m something.

I think that’s good.

Everything’s going so well, Mum.

I’m really trying to be the Estella that you wanted.

Mostly. It’s working.

I just wish you were here to see it.

BARONESS: There’s something about it that irritates me and I always trust my instincts.

I thought maybe if you tighten the silhouette…

Oh, you thought, did you?

I think it’s better.

Actually, it is.

(CHUCKLES)

Your necklace.

Oh.

Family heirloom. Funny story, actually.

An employee once stole it.

No, she did not.

(HESITATES) Sorry.

Slight tone delivery problem. I meant…

“No. She did not.” Did she work for you?

Mmm. Once. Years before.

She stole this, was stupid enough to come back and then she fell off a cliff and died.

How terrible.

Yes, it was, actually. It was during my winter ball and her death really overshadowed the whole thing.

Time for my nine-minute power nap.

Who was the woman?

Not really the point of the story.

The story’s about how lucky I am, but anyway, she had a kid.

Kid’s a snowflake. Special, blah-blah-blah.

It was a basic shakedown situation actually.

Maybe she…

Maybe she just really loved her kid.

Maybe she only had one person to take care of and she failed dismally.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

(DOOR OPENS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Speak.

Baroness, we have that meeting at the Ritz.

Oh, for heaven’s sakes.

(SIGHS)

Necklace. Roger, shoes.

Don’t touch the ankle.

ROGER: Yes, sorry. It’s in.

BARONESS: Come along.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

CRUELLA: My mother hadn’t failed dismally, I had.

And I wasn’t going to fail her again.

Told you, she always comes here.

Oi.

You all right?

She called my mum a thief.

Said she failed as a mother.

What? Your mum? She knew your actual mum?

Yeah, it turns out that was her party we were at.

Mum worked for her once.

I dropped the necklace as I was running away.

She must’ve found it.

It’s mine. So I’m taking it back.

Taking it, as in…

Stealing it.

Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… the angle.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Her Black and White Ball, that’s where we’ll do it.

It’s our biggest job ever. Oi, Horace, attention.

ESTELLA: We need to know their security setup.

Power nap, nine minutes.

ESTELLA: Where the cameras are.

Where the guards are posted.

And what the schedules are.

We need to know every detail and every blind spot.

(CONVERSING IN FRENCH)

(SIGHS)

(IN ENGLISH) Okay, the toilet’s just on the left, and then go straight down to the end.

Thanks.

(ALARM RINGS)

ESTELLA: Then, all we need to do is disable the security system, bypass the cameras, open the safe, steal the necklace during the biggest party of the season.

So many people, her security will be stretched to the limit and just to be sure, a distraction, where I get the key to the keypad and safe.

Right, so what is the distraction?

I’ve discovered she likes to throw women who offend her sensibilities out of her parties.

Old women. Women in gold.

Ow!

Sad women.

(WOMAN GASPS)

Women who carry poodles.

(GASPS)

But also stunningly dressed women who pull the focus off of her.

What about one of the elderly broads?

Me, Horace. I will be the distraction.

All right.

Besides, wreaking havoc at galas is my personal specialty.

Well, I don’t know about that. But here’s a problem…

Won’t she recognize you?

That’s a good point.

I guess.

And when that happens, won’t you lose your job?

It’s not on the board.

A job I think you love.

Are you thinking?

I mean, she sees you’re talented, right?

Yes. Yes.

Well, maybe… Maybe you don’t need the necklace.

Maybe…

Mate, come on! It’s the angle.

It’s just a necklace.

I want it back!

She’s the boss.

And you’re right.

You’re right. She will recognize me.

So Estella can’t go to the ball, but I know someone who can.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)

HORACE: Right, let’s do it.

Yeah. Let’s go and ruin someone’s day.

You mean the Baroness?

Obviously, I mean the Baroness.

Right.

Why? Who did you think I…

No, you said “someone.”

Someone could be anyone…

Let’s just do this, Horace.

(GRUNTS)

Not tonight, son.

Well, you know what? They said it was an emergency.

This is a private event.

Kind of vermin I deal with, they don’t wait for an invitation.

What they do is, they get in, they bite posh people who then froth at the mouth, their eyes spin in the back of their heads and then the posh people die.

That’s a beautiful story, mate. I almost welled up, yeah?

Freeze. Freeze.

Whatever you do, don’t turn around.

(SNARLING)

(SCREAMING)

Well, don’t just stand there! Get in and get him out!

I told you not to turn around. And wash your hands.

Heck of a rat, yeah?

The size of a dog. But it’s a rat.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

Miss Anita Darling.

ANITA: Baroness.

I’m so grateful you’ve given Tattletale an exclusive tonight.

Not apparently grateful enough to observe the dress code.

No color.

Well, my pen must have leaked. It’s tools of my trade.

BARONESS: No one is interested in what you write, my dear.

Just in how I look.

You look ravishing, Baroness.

Master of understatement, as usual.

Here’s… to me.

GUESTS: To the Baroness!

(ALL EXCLAIM)

Do you have a light?

(MATCH STRIKES)

(ALL GASP)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Get her.

Come on, Wink.

I’m a wee bit nervous.

This doesn’t have to be a scene.

It really, really does. (CHUCKLES)

(GEORGE GROANS)

(ALL GASP)

(GROANS)

My arm. I think it’s broken.

Is there a doctor?

(GROANS)

Oh, no, actually it’s fine.

I’d like to remind you all that I’m doing this in heels.

Ratbane! Abort! They can see you on the cameras. Abort.

What?

There are six of you, so obviously you’ll win, but the first two of you to arrive are going to get very badly hurt.

Initiate plan B.

No, no, no!

(IN DEEP VOICE) Oh! Oh! Look at that one!

(WHIMPERING)

No. Get out! My wires! (GROANS IN DISGUST)

So, discuss amongst yourselves who that is, hmm?

There we are. (GRUNTS)

No, no, no. (SPEAKS FRENCH)

You hideous freak.

(WHISPERS) I didn’t mean that, Wink.

JASPER: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE) All right, we’re good.

(GROANS)

Oh! I’m so sorry.

Hang on! We haven’t started yet, darling.

(GROANS)

(ALL EXCLAIM)

Is that two? I lost count.

Oh, for heaven’s sake, just bring her to me.

(BARKS)

Oi. Shh.

You’re supposed to be dead!

That’s a bit much.

Nothing to see here.

Horace, how’s it going?

How’s it going? Well, I…

Well, I’d say badly.

Oh, no.

Who are you? You look vaguely familiar.

I look stunning.

I don’t know about familiar, darling.

Your hair, is it real?

Black and White Ball. I like to make an impact.

Right. What was your name?

Cruella.

Oh.

Mmm.

That’s quite fabulous. And you designed this?

You did, actually. 1965 collection.

Oh, no wonder I love it, it’s mine.

I fixed it.

Oh, sit. Do, I insist.

I’m intrigued, and that never happens.

(DOGS GROWLING)

Yes. Aren’t they gorgeous?

And vicious.

It’s my favorite combination.

(RATS SQUEAKING)

What do you want?

I mean, you clearly wanted to get my attention.

I want to be like you.

You’re a very powerful woman.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Let me give you some advice.

If you need to talk about power, you don’t have it.

Well, I don’t have it, which is why I need to talk about it, which is why I’m here.

Am I going to have to catch you up a lot, or can you keep up?

You’re funny.

It’s not just rats. There’s mice, lizards…

Raccoons. There’s a whole mess of different kinds of…

Oh, that’s a hybrid.

(GROWLS)

Where are you from?

Oh. Well, um…

Up… north. Well, sort of.

It’s a bit south, really, of north, which is basically west.

All right, that’s enough. I’ve loved our little chat, but I’m afraid that now I’m going to have to have you arrested, um, for trespassing.

Oh. (CHUCKLES) Is that a rat?

(SCREAMING)

(BARKING)

(SCREAMING)

(ALL CLAMORING)

(WHIMPERS)

Oh, my God! Get it off! Get it off! Get off!

Someone’s stolen my necklace.

(GRUNTS) Later, boys.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

Now it’s a party!

That dog. Stop! Thief!

(HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLE BLOWING)

(CONTINUES BLOWING)

(HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLE BLOWING)

(DOGS GROWLING)

(IMPERCEPTIBLE)

(ALL CLAMORING)

(BUDDY WHIMPERS)

You’re the bravest rat I’ve ever known.

(ALL CONTINUE CLAMORING)

Oh, we need that!

(ENGINE REVVING)

Well, here’s hoping there’s a plan C.

Why, what’s plan C?

Well, what I’m saying is, “Is there a plan C?”

Yeah, but…

(TIRES SCREECH)

Get in!

Yeah.

(WINK BARKS)

A bit quicker! You’re a dog!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Whoa.

Didn’t know you knew how to drive.

Whoa… I don’t.

HORACE: There’s a car!

(EXCLAIMS)

All right. Stop the car!

(PANTING)

JASPER: What’s going on?

Hey, hey! What are you doing? Where’s she going?

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

The Baroness killed my mother.

What? What are you talking about?

Her whistle, she called the dogs on her, she was…

It wasn’t my fault.

She killed her.

Like she was nothing.

HORACE: Oh, blimey.

CRUELLA: They say there are five stages of grief.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Well, I’d like to add one more.

Revenge.

We should lay low.

Yeah.

That was a bit much last night.

(SCOFFS) You think? I fell into a cake.

(CHUCKLES)

(DOOR OPENS)

Morning, boys.

Morning.

So, let’s begin.

(CHUCKLING) You’re not gonna kill her, are ya?

It’s not part of the current plan, but we might need to be adaptable.

So, that’s a no?

If you heard a “no,” it is. Now, the necklace.

One of the Dalmatians ate it.

Not sure which one, so you’ll need to kidnap all of them.

All right, sorry. Slow down. What? What are we…

Darling, if I’m going to need to repeat myself a lot, this isn’t going to work out.

Why you still talking like that? Grift’s over.

The necklace went in one end, yes?

It’s going to come out the other. That’s how it works.

And what about breakfast? Which is now on the floor.

What’s the rest of the plan? Where are you going?

Need-to-know basis.

JASPER: But that’s not how we usually…

(SIGHS)

…work.

That was rude.

Yeah, but it’s her mum, innit?

We gotta cut her some slack. Help her out.

Well, it’s not seeming like a lot of fun.

My Krispies are on the floor.

Yeah, I know, I know.

Let’s just get the dogs.

Anita Darling, my darling.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

Estella, it’s been so long.

You know, I kept staring at you at the party, and then it came to me.

That’s Estella from school.

It’s not Estella.

That’s the past.

I’m Cruella.

So you go to parties and you take pictures and you print gossip?

That’s your job?

Yes, well. Not as fun as it sounds.

Oh, it doesn’t sound fun. It sounds useful.

Oh.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER IN DISTANCE)

I’d like to start my own label.

Why don’t we work together to create some buzz for this old rag

that you continually fill with that old hag?

You have that glint in your eye.

What glint?

Well, I’m starting to remember that you have a bit of an extreme side.

(LAUGHING)

Well, then you remember what fun that is?

Now, I want you to help me tell them who I am.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

You notice how some dog owners look a lot like their dogs?

No. I’ve never noticed that.

What about now?

All right, let’s have a bit of professionalism, please, Horace.

We got a job to do, all right?

Wink is a very likable dog. I’m not sure this plan will work.

It’ll work.

Remember, Wink, they can smell fear.

(RINGS)

(DOG GROWLS)

(WINK SNARLS)

(GROWLING)

Settle, Genghis.

(BARKING)

(WHIMPERS)

MAN: Oi!

(HORACE GRUNTS)

Told you it’d work.

How can you not love this face?

(SHOPKEEPERS BELL TINKLES)

It’s you.

It is. And you’re reading about me.

And you’re in my shop.

It’s me, (WHISPERS) Estella.

Oh, my. My, my, my. You look amazing.

You certainly made a splash.

I’m just getting started, darling.

And I need help.

I want to make art, Artie… and I want to make trouble. You in?

I do love trouble.

HORACE: I’m not the enemy! Stop that!

Hey, hey, hey! Hey, now. It’s all right.

Hey! Hey, hey! Stop that! Hey!

(DOGS BARKING)

Hey! Stop! Hey!

Oh, come on! Those aren’t yours!

(BARKING CONTINUES)

You got them.

Artie, boys. Boys, Artie.

Artie will be working downstairs.

He actually knows something about fashion.

Dogs are very aggressive.

CRUELLA: Well, you have to walk them, feed them.

Get that necklace out.

Yeah, well, can’t you walk ’em as well? There’s no “I” in team.

Well, there is an “I” in imbecile. Go!

Hey! No, no, no, you can’t talk to us like that.

We’re helping you here.

So don’t.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

Oh. (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) Mummy and Daddy are fighting.

I’ll, uh, set up downstairs.

You stop it. Chill. Just chill.

(DOG BARKING)

Come on, dogs. Regent’s Park it is.

You could be more polite is all.

I don’t have time.

I have to go to work. I’m a designer now.

Seriously?

Keep your enemies close.

Voilà! Cruella was in a box a long time, now Estella can be the one who makes guest appearances.

(LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

Everyone is laughing at me.

Well, they say all press is good press, Baroness.

Although they have focused rather on the rats.

Did you happen to notice her hair?

Coincidence.

Apparently all the young people are doing it now.

Thank you, John. You’re such an enormous… help.

I do my best.

Mmm.

She wants you, hurry up.

Come on.

(ESTELLA CLEARS THROAT)

Ah. Here she is.

Late. Grab a pad.

(WHISPERS) Excuse me.

CRUELLA: Fashion fact.

The pinnacle of every London fashion year is the spring collection.

Excuse me.

My spring collection.

I need 12 pieces, and I have…

Let me count.

CRUELLA: I was going to take the things she loved most… her business, her status…

Zero.

I need ten pieces that work by 3:00 a.m.

CRUELLA: …her confidence.

Go.

Thank you.

Gratitude’s for losers.

Oh. Good advice, thanks.

What did I just say?

Uh, don’t thank you, so…

(PHONE RINGING)

Got it. Thank you.

Go.

Going. So, I’ll just…

Mmm?

What do you mean, the dogs have gone?

Well, find them!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(DALMATIANS BARKING)

Horace. Game’s on.

Oh, tournaments…

Oh! You’re kidding me! You animals!

I sleep on that thing.

I’m watching the game, forget it.

Oh, Tottenham fans.

So you’re not all bad then.

Two minutes. Necklace?

No. But silence. That’s a start.

And of course, “Thank you for doing all my dirty work, guys.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it, we’re a team.”

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

REPORTER: Baroness! Over here!

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

(CROWD CLAMORING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(CROWD EXCLAIMING)

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

(CROWD GASPS)

“Cruella.” Cruella.

What sort of a name is that anyway?

Okay. A proper competitor.

I’ll just have to destroy her as we have so many before.

Find her. And, Roger, find out everything about her.

(ROGER GRUNTS)

I’m more a lawyer than a detective, I…

Yes, I’ll do that.

(CROWD EXCLAIMS)

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

(CROWD GASPING)

We have no signature piece.

And this Cruella person is everywhere.

I want ideas.

Estella, what’ve you got?

You seem upset.

My dogs are missing, my necklace has been stolen and this Cruella creature is… (CLEARS THROAT)

This show has to be the best.

Can I get you some cucumber? Thinly sliced.

Go.

And get your dried-up, desiccated little brain working.

Of course. And thank you.

(HESITATES, CHUCKLES)

(SLOW ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Yes, go to lunch, you lazy fools.

Hmm.

What? Hey!

Mmm.

Oh, Estella, I am surprised at you holding out on me.

But I was on my lunch break in a public space.

Yes, I own the alley.

Really? You can own alleys?

Alleys, designs, people, their souls.

Check your employment contract.

Well, I seem to have found my new signature piece.

How do you like it?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)

(CROWD EXCLAIMS)

(CROWD EXCLAIMS)

(CROWD EXCLAIMS)

(LAUGHING)

We need to sue her, for defamation, false imprisonment, vandalism. Something.

Well, having been through the statute and talked to the police, I don’t know we have a legal avenue for…

I need you to stop talking, Roger.

You do?

So I have a gap to fire you.

There’s a gap. You’re fired.

CRUELLA: Roger always blamed me for getting him fired, but the real reason Roger was fired is because…

Hmm.

…he’s Roger.

You’ll need more than eyeliner, you plain little thing.

You do, however, have an eye for a good shot.

Baroness.

Who is she? And more importantly, where is she?

I don’t know.

Did you just lie to me?

I… No, I…

Don’t cry.

(SCOFFS) I’m not.

You will.

(BARONESS CHUCKLES)

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

(SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

(DETECTOR CHIRPING)

JASPER: Getting anything?

(GROANS) Come on!

Nothing?

Nothing!

You know, I’m worried about her.

(DALMATIANS BARKING)

What, Estella?

Yeah.

Oh, she’s just playing a part for the grift.

Rude part. Hey! Stop that!

Where’s the beading for the dress?

Ordered. Just waiting on this idiot delivery man.

Oh, good day to you, missy.

Got some fashion items that are most fashionable.

Thank you, most handsome delivery man.

(SLOW OLDIES MUSIC PLAYING)

It’s…

Stunning.

Hmm.

I’ve done it again.

Let’s go make history.

I need a drink. Estella, come.

Give it to me, for heaven’s sake.

(CORK POPS)

(CHUCKLES)

Go.

Here’s to me.

(SCOFFS)

Who the hell else would I drink to?

To me?

For creating your signature piece?

You’re helpful to me, is all.

As soon as you’re not, you’re dust.

Inspiring talk.

Thank you.

You can’t care about anyone else.

Everyone else is an obstacle.

You care what an obstacle wants or feels, you’re dead.

If I had cared about anyone or thing, I might have died like so many brilliant women with a drawer full of unseen genius and a heart full of sad bitterness.

You have the talent for your own label.

Whether you have the killer instinct is the big question.

I hope I do.

Hmm.

Correct response. Well done.

We just have to get rid of this… Cruella person, don’t you think?

Hmm.

I guess you must hate her.

Honestly?

I’m conflicted.

She is good.

Bold and brilliant.

But she has made it me or her… and I choose me.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS) Well, this guy’s a bit of a blanket.

What about… this?

(SNORING)

Really?

(EXHALES) We’re gonna have to get invasive.

(MUNCHING)

JASPER: It’s risky.

They gotta know we broke in, Cruella said.

Yeah, she did, didn’t she?

(MUNCHING LOUDLY)

Yeah, I’m getting a little tired of Cruella.

Oh, yeah.

(JASPER SIGHS)

(CONTINUES SNORING)

(ALARM RINGING)

What’s going on?

She tried to break in last night.

Who did?

Cruella. Well, it makes sense.

It’s a stunning, ludicrously expensive gown.

Cruella could never afford to make it.

Hmm.

But Cruella has no shame.

She may steal my creation.

I mean, that’s a very good idea, right, if you were… her?

(DOOR SLAMS)

Night. Get some sleep. Big day tomorrow.

Play nice, guys.

(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)

Night.

(SNIFFS)

What?

I miss Estella.

(DALMATIANS BARKING)

Goal!

(BARKING CONTINUES)

They really would make fabulous coats.

JASPER: The dogs?

(CHUCKLING WICKEDLY)

I’m joking.

You know what I miss?

The Jasper who had a sense of humor.

(SCOFFS) Right.

You know, we’ve all had bad things happen to us.

Me, him, you. But we’ve always been there for each other.

That’s all I’m asking. Is it so hard to back me up?

No. Not Estella, that’s easy, but to help Cruella, it’s a nightmare.

And there’s that understatement thing you do.

Cruella gets things done.

Estella does not.

And I have things to do.

So if you’re done chatting.

And by “if,” I mean you are.

(WHINES SOFTLY)

(GROWLS SOFTLY)

I’ll allow it.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

When Estella arrives, escort her to my office and hold her there.

Very good.

Although I think you’re wrong. It’s not her.

Do I pay you for your opinions or for your obedience?

Well, are you asking my opinion?

I’ll see it’s done.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER CONTINUES)

Speak.

What do you mean, it’s stuck?

The guests are already arriving.

(CRACKLING)

Oh!

There’s something wrong with the lock, Your Ladyship.

I don’t care what you have to do, get it open!

(CRACKLING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(BLOWS)

That little…

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(INSTRUMENTS PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

HORACE: Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…

Cruella!

(CROWD CHEERING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING)

It’s got a good beat.

(BARONESS INHALES DEEPLY)

The music.

(CROWD CHEERING)

She killed my dogs.

And made a coat.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(MUSIC ENDS)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(SIRENS BLARING)

POLICEMAN: Oi! Get out! Come on!

Oh, how lovely of her to thank us for our work.

Yeah, real gracious, wasn’t she?

After all we’ve done for her.

Whatever happened to that cute little girl crying on a bench?

She’s gone, mate.

(BUDDY WHINING)

We should’ve left her on that park bench.

(WHINES)

Madam, welcome.

Mmm. Hello.

Anything I can get you, please?

Oh, uh, two lamb korma.

Okay.

One tandoori chicken, and rice all round.

No problem. No problem.

A fashion riot in Regent’s Park broke out today.

Cruella, some call her a designer, others a vandal.

Hmm.

Questions are being raised over whether her coat was real Dalmatian.

Madam, are you celebrating?

Oh, indeed I am.

(CRUELLA SINGING)

The queen is dead!

(CHUCKLES)

Long live the queen.

Cruella.

Wow.

You really are a psycho.

Why, how nice of you to say.

You showed promise, as did Estella.

Oh, am I late for work?

Gee whiz, boss, how was the show?

This is between us.

Let Jasper and Horace, imbeciles that they are for letting you follow them, let them go.

Oh, I shall. They’re going to jail.

CRUELLA: For what?

Dognapping?

Your murder.

No one will believe that.

Well, I’ll have to add your charred body to the mix to help the believability factor.

Almost.

(GRUNTS)

(HORACE GROANS)

GUARD: Come on, you. Come on.

Oh, that’s nice.

(CRUELLA GRUNTS)

You’re going to kill me because I upstaged you?

(PANTING)

Uh-huh.

I know you killed my mother.

You’re going to have to be more specific.

What?

Who exactly?

Just narrow it down for me.

On a cliff.

You called your dogs on her.

Okay. Now I’m with you.

Oh, that’s why you’re peeved.

Hence this little show.

I’m gonna kill you. And your dogs.

I’m waiting.

Gents, will you let me go for a moment?

Come on. I’m sure she’s a terrible boss.

(CRUELLA CHUCKLES)

Enough.

(CRUELLA GRUNTING)

Goodbye, Cruella.

Dogs.

(GRUNTING)

(CRUELLA BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BARKING)

Bad dog, Genghis.

I’ll tip off the press.

I’d love them to know that you went out in a blaze of glory.

(CHUCKLING)

(SLOW, SAD MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

(BARKING)

(GRUNTING, COUGHING)

(CRUELLA BREATHING HEAVILY)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Hold it there. Up there.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING CONTINUES)

Move back! It’s still a dangerous scene.

Please, I need you to move back.

REPORTER 1: (ON TV) Breaking news, Cruella, best known for upstaging the Baroness in the fashion world, has died tonight.

REPORTER 2: London’s fashion provocateur has died.

REPORTER 1: The Baroness and Cruella had been going head-to-head…

REPORTER 2: The Baroness’ competition has gone up in flames.

REPORTER 3: Cruella, a shining star in London’s West End fashion scene has tragically died tonight in a warehouse fire.

(TEAPOT WHISTLING)

(WHISTLING STOPS)

(GRUNTS)

What?

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Tea, Miss Cruella?

Why am I alive?

Because I dragged you out of the smoke and flames before they consumed you.

I have something for you.

You found it?

In the fire.

I can assure you it’s been, uh, thoroughly bleached.

May I show you something?

I didn’t know it had a key.

(BUDDY WHINES)

JOHN: Mmm-hmm.

What’s it to?

This.

The Baroness has a kid?

You.

May I walk you through it?

The Baron was a sweet old guy.

(BARONESS GRUNTING)

The Baroness, on the other hand, she’s a true narcissist.

(BARONESS SCREAMS)

So when she found out she was pregnant…

I’m pregnant.

JOHN: …she wasn’t exactly thrilled.

The Baron was delighted.

So much so that he surprised her by giving her a family heirloom.

She took the necklace, but she had other plans for you.

CRUELLA: Stop.

You keep saying “you.”

JOHN: You are her daughter.

I was there when you were born.

The Baron was away on business, and she ordered me to do the unthinkable.

You know what to do.

It was a diabolical request.

I knew I needed to protect you. But how?

(BABY CRYING)

Then I saw Catherine, the sweetest woman who ever lived.

She saved you.

The Baroness said the child had died.

The Baron, he, uh, wasted away.

The point I’m making is, you are the rightful heir to the Baron’s entire fortune.

The mansion, the title. Everything.

That psycho cannot be my mother.

No.

(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

POSTMAN: Oi!

(PENSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES)

(PENSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES)

So this is a confusing day.

My nemesis is my real mother and she killed my other mother.

I guess you were always scared, weren’t you, that I’d be a psycho like my real mum?

Hmm?

That explains all the “tone it down, try and fit in” stuff.

Love me into shape, I suppose, was the plan.

And I tried.

I really, I tried because I loved you.

But the thing is… I’m… not sweet Estella, try as I might.

I never was.

I’m Cruella, born brilliant, born bad and a little bit mad. (CHUCKLES)

I am not like her.

I’m better.

Anyway, must dash.

Much to avenge, revenge and destroy.

But I do love you.

Always. (CHUCKLES SADLY)

COMMISSIONER: The boys are locked up, but we have a problem.

BARONESS: I don’t pay you for problems.

We didn’t find her body.

What are you talking about?

It’s on the TV, the radio.

Well, someone tipped them off and gave them the wrong tip.

Thank you for your time.

Incompetent as always.

(EXCLAIMS)

You’re in the way.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER IN DISTANCE)

I still can’t believe she’s dead.

(EXHALES)

Pull it together, H. You can’t cry in prison.

Yeah.

Let’s just remember Estella.

Estella.

Estella.

No crying.

Forget Cruella.

(HORACE SIGHS)

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

(HORN BLARES)

Shh!

Did you hear that?

I heard something.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(POLICEMEN SHOUTING)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

POLICEMAN 1: Oi, come here!

POLICEMAN 2: Stay behind and keep an eye on the prisoners!

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

What?

Hey.

Wink!

Shh!

Wink!

You ain’t barbecued!

What in the bloody…

Thank you.

You’re getting kissed right on the mouth!

I don’t care where it’s been!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SIRENS BLARING)

(BARKS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(POLICEMEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

Want a ride?

Yeah, we’ll walk, thanks.

You’re alive!

Oi!

Yeah, I’ve had enough of being treated like a dog, thank you. No offense, Wink.

You’ll get caught by the cops.

We did fine before you showed up, we’ll do fine without you.

HORACE: Yeah, exactly.

I fancy a fry-up.

Yeah, I fancy a fry-up without her.

JASPER: Yeah, me too.

There’s no easy way to say this.

(SIGHS)

The Baroness is my birth mother.

You just blew my mind.

It does explain a lot.

She gave me away to die.

And then killed the sweetest woman, albeit a liar, who ever lived.

Well, thank you for the crumpets and the crazy story.

Good luck with that.

(GRUNTS)

I might take a few of these.

CRUELLA: Jasper!

We’re in a kill-or-be-killed situation here.

Yeah, and she’s a homicidal maniac, and you’re not.

(SCOFFS) Well, we don’t know that yet. I’m still young.

It’s funny.

Or it would be, if I knew you were being funny.

No, not funny.

I’m joking, I’m joking!

The point is, I can’t run.

She’ll find me, Jasper. You know she will.

We have to stop her.

I went a bit mad.

I’m sorry.

You’re my family.

You’re all I have.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

She used the family card.

Yeah, she did.

It’s working.

Yeah. All right, fine.

So what’s the plan?

The Baroness’ charity gala is this weekend.

We’re going to need the home addresses and measurements of all the guests.

Easy.

Artie’s tribe of dressmakers, of course.

I like him.

A black cape, pots of paint.

Oh, yeah?

Several boned corsets…

Should we write this down?

I’m sorry. I didn’t realize there’d be company.

John, this is my family.

They’ll be staying a while.

Hiya.

You’re out of crumpets.

(SHOPKEEPERS BELL TINKLING)

(SHOPKEEPERS BELL TINKLES)

We’re closed.

(DOOR CLOSES)

I was just reading about you, the puppy killer.

Oh, well, I do love spots.

You didn’t.

I didn’t.

But people do need a villain to believe in, so I’m happy to fit the bill.

Fabulous.

Small point, aren’t you dead?

I am. Yes.

Sad, really.

But also helpful.

Now, Artie, I have a plan.

Of course you do.

And you’re going to help me with it.

Mmm. What do I get?

A night of fabulousness and mayhem and possible death.

Check, check, not quite sure about the death though.

It won’t be you.

Mmm. I’ll get my coat.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

WOMAN: For me?

Heya.

Sorry.

Big night.

Indeed it is.

Sure about this?

No, I’m being serious.

And you’re cute when you are.

Okay.

I know you’re in pain.

Mmm.

And I know that she caused it, but, you know, killing her is not gonna make that go away.

I won’t.

I promise.

All right, cool. Groovy.

Unless I really, really have to.

Thanks for helping me.

Yeah, well, I find it very difficult saying no to you sometimes.

It’s one of the things I love about you.

Thanks?

(HORN HONKS)

HORACE: When I fixed it, I noticed a name.

Do you know what this car’s called?

A Devil!

It’s DeVille, mate.

DeVille.

I like that.

(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)

Come on. Stand to attention.

Stand up straight.

Good.

It’s time.

Psst!

When I said, all those years ago, “Take care of it,”

what did you think I meant?

Well, I was a little confused.

I hardly thought you meant you wanted me to kill your only child.

And I thought we knew each other.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Well?

I hope for your sake, she’s hidden in your coat.

No, Baroness.

George, come here.

(GRUNTS)

She’ll be here tonight.

I want her caught before she’s seen.

Everyone thinks she’s dead.

She better be that way by the end of the night.

I’ve got a special treat for her.

It’ll put a shock through her and leave her incapacitated.

Give it to me.

Hmm.

(TASER BUZZING)

(GROANS)

That’s marvelous.

(GASPS)

Oh, I could do that all day!

Oh! Just find her, you idiots!

Why am I the only one who’s competent?

Must be very tiring.

Should be a memorable night tonight, Baroness.

Indeed it should.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

All right, boys, look alert. First vehicle arriving.

Blimey, it’s her.

(GUARD GRUNTS)

Oh.

I beg your pardon.

It’s not her.

Here she is, here.

(GUARD GRUNTS)

(WOMAN GASPING)

That’s not her.

(GUARD GRUNTS)

How dare you touch me!

Sorry, ma’am.

What’s going on?

Time for my entrance, my dears.

Baroness, I…

Is she here?

Well, that’s the problem, see, uh…

(TUTTING)

(PHONE RINGS)

Police. How can I help?

There’s a robbery planned for Hellman Hall this evening.

CONSTABLE: Who is this?

JASPER: (OVER RADIO) All teams, Baroness requires everybody in the library now.

She’s angry, boys.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

I was just looking for the loo.

Shh.

(TASER BUZZES)

Oh.

(HORACE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

(GRUNTS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Thank you all for coming.

What a great tribute to our dear friend who shall never return.

Sadly.

Touching.

To Cruella.

ALL: To Cruella!

(ALL CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

Bravo!

(GROANING)

(SNARLS)

(GRUNTING)

(BARKS)

That dog is like a son to me.

You’re dead!

(SIGHS)

I had him.

Did you, though?

(IMPERCEPTIBLE)

Where is she?

Didn’t you just toast her death?

(SCOFFS)

(DOOR BANGING)

Where are my guards?

(WINCES)

She’s here. I can feel it.

Find her.

Push! (GROANING)

(DALMATIANS GROWLING)

(GRUNTS)

(HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLE BLOWING)

(DALMATIANS GROWLING)

(GROWLING)

Get her!

(DALMATIANS BARKING)

Sit.

(DALMATIANS WHINING)

Hello, Cruella.

I hate to ruin your party, but I’ve come to evict you.

(CHUCKLES) Don’t be absurd.

This is the key that was in the necklace that unlocks the box my birth certificate was in.

Hello, Mother.

It all makes sense now.

What?

That you’re so extraordinary.

Of course, you’re mine.

I’ve longed for someone in my life who was as good as me.

You left me to die.

A mistake.

And one we can get past. I know it.

I disagree.

Good evening.

The Baroness asks that you join her on the terrace.

Lovely.

Gentlemen, the Baroness would like to invite you outside, please.

You’re not here for revenge.

You’re here because you’re a brilliant designer and a wicked genius and you need to be among your own kind.

Me.

Your real mother.

Who made a mistake and let something extraordinary go.

We are very alike, I suppose.

(SIREN BLARING)

Good evening. Madam, ravishing as always.

The Baroness requests your presence outside.

(HESITATES) I’m sorry.

You are?

I am.

Can I hug you?

Yes.

You’re not going to push me off the cliff, are you?

(WHISPERS) You’re so funny, dear.

So funny.

I love it.

Idiot.

(GRUNTS)

(ALL GASPING)

(GASPS)

(GUESTS EXCLAIMING)

She jumped.

Did you see? She jumped.

She tried to drag me with her.

She jumped, she jumped, she jumped.

Why are you looking at me like that?

(BREATHING HEAVILY) Oh.

She jumped!

What are you doing with those handcuffs? She jumped!

CRUELLA: So I told you I died.

Estella, that is.

Poor thing.

She couldn’t even get anyone to come to her own funeral.

That seemed like an unhappy ending.

Murdered tragically by her very own mother.

Idiot.

(GRUNTS)

A few things.

Before she died, Estella willed her fortune to her dear friend…

Cruella de Vil.

Can’t you idiots see?

That Estella person, it’s a trick.

She’s really Cruella.

CRUELLA: Cruella de Vil.

It’s spelled “Devil,” but it’s pronounced “de Vil.”

You wait, I’ll get even.

CRUELLA: The good thing about evil people is you can always trust them to do something, well, evil.

Estella would die like her mother did.

But not quite.

A well-cut skirt is a lifesaver, girls.

Remember that.

She’d go to prison for throwing someone off a cliff.

Wrong someone, but there’s something about poetic justice that’s just so poetic.

Goodbye, Estella.

She was with her mother now.

I’ll take it from here.

But Cruella was alive.

All right, we should put on some music or something.

Lighten the mood.

(SNIFFLES)

She’s not actually dead, mate. She’s…

(SIGHS)

How can you not get choked up at all this?

Oh, man.

CRUELLA: And I call that a happy ending.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(HORACE GASPS)

Has, uh, Genghis put on a bit of weight?

So, what now?

I’ve got a few ideas.

Cruella de Vil Cruella de Vil

She’s born to be bad

So run for the hills

Cruella de Vil Cruella de Vil

The fear on your face

It gives me a thrill

Who wants to be nice?

Who wants to be tame?

All of you good guys

Y’all seem the same

Original, criminal

Dressed to kill

Just call me Cruella de Vil

Call me crazy, call me insane

But you’re stuck in the past

And I’m ahead of the game

A life lived in penance

It just seems a waste

And the devil has much better taste

And I tried to be sweet

I tried to be kind

But I feel much better now that I’m

Out of my mind

Oh, there always line in the gates of hell

But I go right to the front gate ’cause I dress this well

Rip it up, leave it all in tatters

Beauty is the only thing that matters

The fabric of your little world is torn

Embrace the darkness

Be really blind

Cruella de Vil

The fear on your face

It gives me a thrill

(HUMMING)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(WHINING)

ROGER: Hello, Pongo.

ROGER: (SINGING) Cruella de Vil

Cruella de Vil

If she doesn’t scare you

No evil thing will

To see her is to take a certain chill

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

Cruella, Cruella de Vil

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(WOMAN VOCALIZING)